Happy Mama’s Day, Mama

2 Mar

To say my mama had her hands full with me would be an understatement.

There was the time I secretly took a bus to Chicago to make out with a boy. The time I decided to move to Bosnia. The time I randomly decided to go to Germany because I was convinced I had lived there in a past life. And that’s just me – don’t even get me started on my brother.

I never told my mom thanks for dealing with any of the stuff I pulled on her. Or for listening to me every time a boy crushed my heart. Or for saying she loved me every time I felt sad or ugly or lame or just not worth it. I always assumed she’d be there, and she always was. Feeling sad? Call mom. Feeling sick? Call mom. Feeling bored? Call mom. I didn’t think about how exhausting that must have been for *her.* I just thought – that’s what moms are for.

There was a time that I felt short-changed that I lost my mom fairly early, or that she was sick a large part of my life growing up. But now, being a mom for 19 months, I don’t know how she did it for as long as she did. Personally, I feel like I’ve run a marathon almost every night I go to sleep. Over the 26 years my mom was with me, I can’t imagine the number of miles (physically and emotionally) she’s run for me. And that’s not even taking into consideration the things that were going on in her own life, from going through a divorce to dealing with a really horrible disease.

Now that I am a mom, I understand that being a mom is truly like being a superhero every minute of someone’s life. I don’t know how many times I’ve found Blake about to do something crazy (jumping off a cliff, taking a nose dive out of his high chair, climbing into the oven) just in time to save him. Time doesn’t stop. I don’t have 15 minutes to regroup or take a breather. I can’t send in a sub when I’ve absolutely reached my limit. I’m a mom. That’s what I’m there for. Love and stress and worry go into every single moment I spend with him, just like I know it did for my mom when she was raising me.

I know that being a mom can be a thankless job, but that doesn’t mean I’m not incredibly grateful for everything my mom put into it. It doesn’t feel like nearly enough, but thank you for absolutely everything, mama. I literally wouldn’t be here without you. And neither would my son.

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